a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
