Tell her she can't have a vagina
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
