my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My liver just had a heart attack.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
