You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
