i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
