im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
