never play flip cup with pint glasses
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
