There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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