I'm going to jail i love you
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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