dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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