There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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