i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
