So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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