ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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