she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
