Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
