As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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