Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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