Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
