tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
