Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
