You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
