Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
