i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
