I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
