she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It's never too late to be topless.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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