I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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