come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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