haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
