1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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