You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
