apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
