He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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