Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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