you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
