I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
