Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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