Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
