We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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