ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
