whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Pappa wants mamma naked
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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