I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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