just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize