So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
