lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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