I wannas sexs uuuuu
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Can Purell be used as lube?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
