that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
is wine microwaveable?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
