I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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