Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
