Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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