Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
