Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
