If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
