I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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